JUNK IN MY LIFE: A COMPLUSIVE HOARDER

I have always considered myself to be a hoarder, as I really cannot fathom how to throw out all the junk. And if thats not enough, I land up dragging much more junk than I can ever humanly handle. JUNK...now I should give that a serious thought. Well, I took almost two years to throw out a jerk of a guy I was dating..I just couldnt bring myself to do it some how. I had been hoarding up relationships. Although I had realized it was time to let go, I could not bring myself to do it. It took numerous fights, a lot of blows, a few dark eyes, puffed with make up, before on air appearances, and finaly, the hoarder in me gave way to the much needed exercise of throwing out the junk. I have always been bad at that. I can not let go of things easily, thats what i always think, and my mother always has to push me around to throw out all the junk I have been hoarding in my life.

What is excatly the problem? Do things get impersonal for me too fast? Do i lose interest and yet feeel obligated to carry on?I have not been able to figure that out..but i am working on that!!! My friend AB(i dont want to take real names here), always did the second round of pushing me around, after mom. He literally had to shout at me, for me to act often!! I have usually always gone by mom's and AB's and Pranks' judgement in a lot of situations, yet i neglected both mom's and AB's advice on a very crucial matter..and here I am..back to being a hoarder.

I realise that something is not worthy, and is completely driving me crazy every day, and even taking away my good nite's sleep, yet I feel too obligated to throw out the junk in my life. AB has moved on in life...He tried his best to explain to me, shout at me, plead with me, that I was making the biggest mistake of my life, in becoming a hoarder again. But I was too confused to even understand the significance of what he was trying to drill in my already complicated mind. But was i listening? Yes, I was..Ab is such a good speaker! guess, the hoarder in me was stronger for all this good advice to work. Mom has practically given up now..she tries to behave as if she is happy for me...but even I can understand what the truth is...she doesnt ask me anymore to throw out the junk...!!! Am i just chasing a tag? Am i worried that i will not function with a so called negative tag in society..But I have always been standing up for women's rights from high school days, and now in real life, I am getting scared.

I startle myself by my actions...how can I continue to be a hoarder even when I know what harm all this junk is doing to me. I try and think, maybe its not junk..and maybe thats where I lose out on the guts to throw this junk on to the gutter or the highway.

" I cannot imagine that my best friend has become so daft for the junk in her life." those were AB's last words to me. Although I assured him that I was not daft, yet I exactly did what he had been asking me , and begging me not to....not to hoard up the junk in my life anymore..I was not listening. My mom tried explaining that the tag was not important..I will survive..and life is not over...I am not even 30! But I was in a daze. I thought everyone was probably not understanding the way i perceive matters..,maybe what they think as junk, will prove to be something good. what was I thinking?

Now with all the days and moments and weeks and months,I am convinced to prove that I was wrong, and two of the people closest to me, Ma and AB were right..I need to throw out the junk...For few scattered good times, and a few smiles I cannot risk repeating the mistakes in my life....I want to fly..I want to soar and i can only do this when I have royallly discarded the JUNK.

Cheeers to MA and AB!! ..I am sorry that I am so late in acting on your advice. Hence while en route to a coveted holiday destination, cruising at more than 30,00o miles, in thin air, I reflect on the junk, rather than the sun and sands awaiting me...this is what happens when you are a hoarder.